Bucky's Diary
by 2901-Batgurl
Summary: Steve loved going through Bucky's stuff, even more after he fell of the train. One day, at the apartment Steve shared with Bucky, Steve found a book entitled "Diary". NOTE: I ship stucky, so if you aren't on comfort with that, just move along buddy.


After Bucky 'died', the only thing Steve did back at now only his apartment was look through Bucky's stuff. And by stuff I mea he knew Bucky owned. Little souvenirs he had bought when they had gone to fun places, some pictures of both of them, drawings Steve had given him, and last and most specially Bucky's clothes. If there was something Steve loved going through was Bucky's clothes. That old cologne smell of Bucky was implanted on his clothes. And, for Steve, that was the closest thing he would get to feel Bucky.

Anyways, one of this gloomy days, Steve was going through a box under their bed he had only gone through once and partially ignored. Inside were more pictures, another couple drawings of Steve, but then, an old looking book entitled "Diary".

Oh god, Bucky kept a diary? He wasn't the type of guy you would look at the eyes and think "Yep, he keeps a diary, 100%". Steve, concerned and excited of what might be inside, started reading it.

"March 19" read one of the entries. That was the day before Bucky's birthday, Steve thought.

"March 19, 1942

Dear Diary,

God, the war is far more worse than I thought. All the training just kills me. I mean, I'm pretty good at it, it's just too much. Anyways, tomorrow and after tomorrow we have 'break days', and all the guy's either wives, girlfriends, or families are coming. I've already written to Steve about it, but because he hasn't answered the 23rd letter I have sent to him, I doubt he'll come see me. I just want to see his skinny, pale face. Why hasn't he answered me anyways? I hope he didn't do anything stupid. What about if he got into a fight and I wasn't there for him? What if what I always fear most happened? I'm terrified, and this thought keeps me away from thinking what may happen to me while I'M at war. I just... Want to see him at least one last time. Maybe he found someone, and he doesn't need me anymore. I just hope he's ok.

Also, tomorrow is my birthday. It'd be a great birthday present for him to come. But I don't think he'll come or any of the other guys will remember. Happy Birthday to me...

Bucky"

After Steve read "Bucky", it felt like a thousand knives just got stabbed through his heart. He knew Bucky really cared about him, but to see that Bucky wanted to see him that desperately was quite heartbreaking.

"Bucky..." He whispered to himself. He flipped the page. Oh no. There was an entry for the next day, his birthday.

"March 20, 1942

Dear diary,

Guess who didn't show up. I guess it's not his fault. If anything happened to him, or if my letters didn't get to him. But some people did remember today was my birthday, which kind of surprised me, but was a pleasant surprise. I still keep a card Steve made me for my 11th birthday. I remember that day perfectly.

Anyhow, I knew Steve wasn't going to show up, but I had a little hope he was. God I miss his slim, cute face. Wherever he is, I hope he remembers me. I love you Steve Rogers. "

Oh. Oh. O H. Bucky really felt this way? About him? Even about that scrawny kid from Brooklyn? He... Wow. Did he feel this way? Every time he thought he felt that way... He would just... Ignore it. But thinking Bucky felt like he felt... It was so... Shocking, but really relieving at the same time. He felt like he was blushing.

But those two entries weren't the only ones. There were several more after and before those two, Steve just happened to open it there.

He went through the pages, military stuff, stuff about him (Steve) getting into fights, him getting enlisted, how he felt about him (again, Steve) getting enlisted, etc.

But there was this entry that caught his eye, right before he got the chance that changed everything.

" February 17, 1942

Dear diary,

Ok. Steve? Enlisting? For WAR? He can't even win a street fight less a war! How am I convince him not to go?! He's too stubborn to back away from a bully, he's gonna get killed! I can't lose him! I just... Can't. I've been looking after him all my life, and I would like to not throw my hard work straight away. I gotta do something. He's got so much potential for everything, and putting himself out there, in the battlefield, is for me, a rather bad decision.

Anyways, I got in the 107th! Yes! Sargent James "Bucky" Barnes. Quite a title! I can't wait for everyone to find out. But I have to sleep, I depart in two days, and I need rest.

Sargent Barnes :) "

So he really didn't want Steve to enlist. Well, he was glad he did, because if he hadn't had enlisted, he wouldn't be the Star Spangled man, now would he?

He re-read the first two letters his eyes laid on, and he also noticed something else. "[...]he hasn't answered the 23rd letter I have sent to him." Letters? Which letters? Steve had never gotten letters. Bucky wrote letters to him? What did they say? Steve figured Bucky addressed them to their apartment, so he went out the front door, walked down the hallway, into the elevator (which was new in the building) and asked the operator to go down to the lobby. The operator was a black man, with kind of kind of eyes, and he had a bag on his hand. Then, a little label in his uniform read "Fury". Steve figured that was his last name.

Anyways, when he got to the lobby he walked straight to the little mailboxes for each apartment. Steve, full of excitement, opened the box, but his heart drop when he saw only dirt inside. Disappointed, Steve was walking back to the elevator, but suddenly, he had an idea.

Steve went to the reception, and asked if they had anything for someone called "Steve Rogers". The receptionist kindly asked for him to wait a minute, because she did think the name was familiar.

A few minutes after, she came back with a not-too-big, not-too-small cardboard box, that had written "Steve Rogers" across one

of the sides of if. He thanked her, and went straight into the elevator, into his lonely apartment. He grabbed a knife, and opened one of the sealed sides.

Inside, lots of letters laid untouched (if you don't count Bucky) from all different colors, and sizes. But it was peculiar, because all of them had a little string around it (they were all rolled up).

Steve dumped all the letters on his bed, and opened the one he dumped last. He figured that was the earliest one.

"February 24, 1942,

Dear Steve,

Hey punk. This is my first letter to you, and I hope you haven't gotten in any fights. I told you not to do anything stupid anyways, so...

So, how's Brooklyn? Did Stark invent something else? Here in the 107th , the training is pretty hard. It's good practice though. I'll try to write to you everyday! I hope I have time... See you.

Bucky :)"

Bucky still had that playful, young personality before his world had become war, kill, nazis, etc. Steve, went through the other letters, basically all of them asked how he was going, updates of the 107th, and how he missed Brooklyn. The last one, though, made him die a little inside.

"April 15, 1942,

Dear Steve,

I heard about your little shows, though I don't know how much the serum affected you. I hope you haven't changed much, because I haven't seen you since I departed. I did tell you not to do anything stupid now did I? But anyways, over here it has gotten pretty rough, a bunch of us got killed or badly injured. But a lot of us got kidnapped by damn Hydra. I heard that they're brainwashing them so now they're killing machines. Oh Steve, I'm really afraid. I don't want to not remember anything, I've got too many good memories. Whatever happens, I just hope you'll remember me like your best friend from Brooklyn, and not some guy who went to war.

Oh, also I've heard you met Ms. Carter.

Love,

Bucky"

"Oh Steve, I'm really afraid" Steve probably reread that line more than 10 times. It killed him a little more every time he read it. Steve kept going through all the letters, and some tears started prickling at the corner of his eyes. Bucky felt the way he did, and he would never know now. Steve wanted to tell Bucky, but he couldn't, not anymore. Steve just sobbed quietly on top of the letters, that he could not answer anymore.

Not anymore.


End file.
